her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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