fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
