Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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