I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
