i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
