dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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