i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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