I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
