I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
