So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
