I'm gonna have a badass scar
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
