Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
