We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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