You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
