Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
