shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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