I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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