8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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