She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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