I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
