I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
