its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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