opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
