Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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