yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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