All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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