I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
