Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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