chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
