opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
