When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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