I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she peed on how many people?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
