He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
