hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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