I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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