I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
