Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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