Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
