Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
