Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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