if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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