that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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