I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
