I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
