every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
