This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
