it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
