how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
