i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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