apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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